Why is my heart so heavy tonight? Is it all the unfinished business in my life? Relationships, projects, changes. Both good and bad. Challenging and fun too. Is it nutritionally based? Is there something harmful growing inside of me? Am I falling into madness by choice or by default? Some things we feel in life are inevitable…loneliness, sadness, emptiness, confusion, a lot of things that we’ve just got to accept are normal things we’ll have to feel and experience in life. Do I worry? Yes, I worry. I become more like my parents all the time. I worry about my baby sister’s hurts and my baby brother’s hurts. I worry about my boyfriend and his friends. I worry about my professors and their health. I worry if I’m going to get in an accident on my way to school. I worry if I’ll get food poisoning. I worry that someone will think badly of me although I often think badly of myself. So what is it that I really want to abate all of these hurts, these confusions? What do I think will give me clarity of mind? Solutions. Not drugs. Altered behaviors not judgments. Gentleness coupled with honesty. Kindness and sincerity. Generosity. Those things I give out which I hope to get back—making myself available emotionally to my friends and loved ones. Hope they can do that for me. Especially when I’m going mad inside because life keeps overwhelming me with hardball after hardball. Sometimes I'd like to just step out of the batting cage to get a breath. A little relief is in order. So yeah, I know I need therapy and friendship, and love and support and a lot of other things. Keep me in your prayers please people.